I want to break the rules and I want to reap the joy

(The title of this blog post is from the song "Empire" by Super8&Tab)

I’ve been experiencing some trouble when it comes to my writing. I call myself a creative writer but I have not been writing creatively. The dull, terse, and pale expectations from academic writing have sucked the life from my writing, leaving it bone dry and tasteless. I want to write in a way that shocks, that leaves me in awe of my talent, that is my blood spilled intricately into the shape of letters and words, in a way that holds my DNA – unmatched, incomparable to any other – me, solely me.

I’m studying again, on my own, away from the strict and cold cages of academic expectations with all the proper indentation and spacing, APA format, clean sentence structure, and to-the-point style. I want to linger on subjects, play with adjectives, and use alliteration and rhyme. I want to paint pictures with my words, use this medium of writing and paint like a free-spirited artist on the canvases of paper and little white blog boxes.

I want to create masterpieces.

Rules and boundaries have me stifled but only because I have let them. So I’m stepping out of these imaginary confines and seeking daylight once more. I am exercising the creative parts of my brain and I am making mistakes to learn more, to be better, and to reach my potential. Learning is about trial and error and though I can be my most cruel critic, I will just let it be. I will let whatever just be and I will let words fly from my brain, through my fingertips to find an outlet, to find freedom. I will use commas and semicolons incorrectly, I will probably create many run-on sentences but I will be creating and when I’m creating, I feel free. When I’m creating, I feel passion flowing like blood through my veins, pumped through my heart and directed outward in every direction to make me feel alive. To remind me I’m alive and there is so much left to discover, so much I think I know that I don’t really, so much I have yet to experience. It’s when my little fingers are flying across the keyboard like children on sugar rushes fly around through playgrounds: eager, ecstatic, unrestrained, and best of all happy, that I feel I am living my purpose.

Yes, sometimes I might make my readers uncomfortable, sometimes I might make them laugh or angry, or confused. Any kind of emotion elicited by my words is alright by me because at the end of the day I am writing simply because I love to write and my experiences and forms of expression won’t always be flattering and won’t always be pleasing to all. Part of what is making my writing blossom is the fact that I’m facing my fears, that I am unveiling myself in public, slowly peeling away the layers to uncover my core – to uncover the truth of my existence, the beauty that lies within, the light that shines so bright it’s blinding.

Yay! I’m excited.